THE FIRST TOWN MEETING FOR ALPHONSE

Alphonse and his Constituents.

I say Al,said Mac, you have a pretty good crowd for your first meeting. Especially since your running in 2012. I thought you were running in the 2008 election. I couldn't get on the ballot in time, said Al. Besides, I will have 4 years to study what the prez is doing wrong, and see what it takes to get Palin to run with me. Just think, we can campaign for four years. Are you nuts, said Mac, that would cost fortune, plus everyone would be sick of you by then. You would be lucky to get even one vote.
Do you think you should start calling me "Mr. Alphonse", asked Al? Do you think you would like to sleep on the back porch this winter, asked Mac? I suppose Al will do for now, said Al.

Let's look at your peoples's signs, said Mac. I think you need to get a better sign painter before 2012. Oh, I will, said Al, we have a lot of things to do to get ready.

QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION.
OK guys, said Alphonse, how about some questions.

Ozzy - Are you old enough to run for president? -- I'm not right now, but I will be by 2012. I will be 5 dog years, and that is 35 people years.

Vinny - Are you a natural born citizen? -- Yes, I was born at the "Ty Company" in the USA.

Barely - How will you raise money for the campaign? -- First, I will open a campaign account right away. We can begin talking up my candidacy and quietly soliciting donations. I won't publicly ask for donations until the other candidates do.

Casey - Is Alphonse your first or last name? -- Neither, it's just my name.

Benny - I think you have to have two names to run for president. -- I don't know if that is true, but I can find out. Make a note of that Barely.

Barely - Am I your secretary now. -- I guess so, if don't mind, at least until we get an organization put together.

Golly - Where will your headquarters be? -- I don't know at this time, but I will likely start in the garage and then move to larger quarters when things get rolling.

Harry - Who is going to be your campaign manager? -- I haven't figured that out yet; anyone wish to volunteer? -- I guess not at this time.

Terry - Will there be any people on your cabinet, or will there only be animals and birds? -- I think once we get started there will plenty people involved.

Barely - When will you have your first Presidential Debate? -- The debates will be much later, after the Dependent party has chosen a candidate. However, since I'm sure "Mobama" is going to run we might be able to schedule some practice debates. That should be interesting & fun.

Vinny - I just googled the constitution and it says the following "The Constitution requires that a candidate for the presidency must be a "Natural-Born" Citizen of the United States, at least 35 years of age, and a resident of the United States for at least 14 years". Looks like so far you're ok Al.

Representing the INDEPENDENT PARTY will be Mr. Alphonse.

Representing the DEPENDENT PARTY will be Mr. Mobama.

Barely, we need to talk, said Al. We need to work on refining my image as presidential material. I agree with that, said Barely, but where do we start. Well, we need to list all my good points and abilities and then consider what I need to add, said Al. For instance, I play guitar, I carve wood, I do woodworking, I'm computer literate, and the list goes on & on. Well, said Barely, I think you named most of your abilities on that list. However, I think you need to demonstrate your courage and/or bravery. You know the president has to have lots of courage. You're right , said Al, I will think on that and see what I can come up with - thanks a lot for the advice. We will need to talk about this more later.

I have decided the easiest and quickest way to demonstrate my courage and daring is to perform a dangerous trick. I don't want anyone to see the practice maneuver. I will do a flip off of this platform. That should go a long ways toward establishing my courage. I guess I just jump and duck my head. I hope I land on my feet! If I do great at this, I may have to try out for the Olympics. That should be a lot of fun. Here I goooooo-

OUCH!! That hurt. I don't know what happened. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I can't move my legs. Maybe I should look back there and see what's wrong. OUCH!! It hurts too much to look. I need help. HELP, HELP, HELP. Someone help me, please. What will I do if no one comes to help me? I could lay here forever! Mac's not home, so he can't help. I guess I shouldn't try a trick by myself. Oh - here comes Hickey.

Hi Alphonse, what happened to you, asked Hickey? I was trying a new trick and it went astray, said Al. Why don't you get up instead of yelling for help asked Hickey? Any time I try to move it hurts real bad, said Al, that's why I need help. How about you check and see what's wrong back there. OK, said Hickey, let me look.

Well, as near as I can tell, said Hickey, your legs are all mixed up. However, I don't see any blood. What do you mean by my legs are mixed up, asked Al? Does that mean they have traded places or something? No, said Hickey, they haven't traded places, they just don't appear to be in the right place. Can you straighten them out, asked Al? No, said Hickey, I'm not strong enough. Then go get some help, said Al. Ok, said Hickey, I'll see if Henry Hippo is busy. He can probably get you straightened out.

Thanks for coming to help, said Al. I'll do what I can, said Henry. Just grab hold of that leg and pull, said Hickey. Ok, said Henry. Boy, that leg is really stuck, said Henry. Every time I pull you scoot over. We'll be in Mexico if we keep this up. We need someone on the other side, said Al. Hickey, see who you can find that is strong.

Here's Vinny, said Hickey. Couldn't you find someone without teeth that is real strong, asked Al? Vinny is ok, said Hickey, and he is real strong. Alright, Henry, you pull on the leg, and Vinny you pull on something on the other side and see if you can keep Al from sliding, said Hickey. OUCH! - Vinny, you're about to bite my tail off, shouted Al. Aw, don't be a sissy, said Vinny, I'm trying to be careful, but I have to clamp on to something.

POP! Yeah, my leg feels better, said Al. I guess it just needed to pop back into place. Now it doesn't hurt to move. The next thing I want to know, is do I still have a tail, asked Al? Sure, said Vinny, you have a tail. It's maybe a bit worse for wear, but it is still there. How much worse for wear, asked Al? Well, said Vinny, it doesn't stand up any more, but it's mostly all there! Vinny, said Al, do you munch on everyone you get near? I guess I am inclined to taste anything I can, said Vinny, it's in the genes and I can't help it.

Thanks guys, said Al, I never would have gotten up without your help. It sure is nice to have friends that will come along and help.
Hows the candidacy effort coming along, asked Vinny? Have you figured out when you will have the debate? We haven't gone that far yet, said Al, but we are doing a lot of stuff. I was going to use this trick to demonstrate my courage, but I think I will come up with a better idea. You guys may not be around to untangle me next time.

Man, I didn't know running for president was this hard. That trick almost hurt me bad. Now I don't know what to do to show my courage. It has to something good, or it won't help much. I know Palin won't want to run with me if I'm not courageous. She sure is though, I bet she would fight a polar bear! This is real important, so I better get my guys together and see if they can come up with some ideas. I think I'm courageous enough, I just don't know how to prove it. Maybe I could volunteer for police dog service-

Someone told Al he needed to be well read in order to run for president. He decided to read Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn". Reading Classics should be good for his image. He also felt that for the picture he should be wearing glasses. He looks more studious! The glasses are just for show, cause he can't see anything through them.

It was raining this morning, and promised to rain all day. Al was tired from all the reading yesterday, so he thought he should rest today. A good day to take it easy. He slept all day long. He didn't even get up to eat, unless he fixed lunch himself. Chances are he slept through lunch.

TO BE CONTINUED